18 Lessons from 18 Extra Years
This week, I celebrated a milestone I don't take lightly.
Eighteen years ago, I received a liver transplant that saved my life.
Eighteen extra years.
And even among those fortunate enough to receive a transplant, fewer than half make it this far. That reality is never far from my mind. Every day feels like borrowed time — and a gift.
Over these years, I've watched my kids grow up. I've seen Aidan flourish as a musician, Brendan get married, and Kylie become a courageous world traveler. I've shared life with Vicky, traveled across the country and around the world, collected wonderful experiences, and formed friendships with thoughtful, remarkable people.
But more than anything, I've paid attention.
Because when you know life is fragile, you stop assuming you have time — and start paying attention to the time you actually have.
Looking back, I wrote down 18 lessons — one for each year I've been given.
Here's what I've learned.
1. Perspective must be chosen daily.
I thought surviving would permanently change how I saw the world. It didn't. The first time I got back behind the wheel in traffic, I realized perspective doesn't stick — it fades. You don't get to live off yesterday's gratitude. You have to choose it again, every morning.
2. Life comes in seasons.
Storms pass. So do sunny days. If you're struggling, hold on — this season won't last. If life is good right now, don't coast through it. Notice it. Savor it. Because it won't last either.
3. Relationships have seasons too.
Proximity, shared experiences, and life stages bring people together — and eventually pull some apart. Not everyone is meant to stay forever, and that's okay. Appreciate the season you shared instead of grieving that it ended. Don't carry guilt over relationships that have drifted. That energy is better spent on the people in front of you now.
4. One person can change everything.
At my lowest — physically, emotionally, certain my best days were behind me — I had no idea what was ahead. Then I met Vicky. One person brought hope, love, acceptance, and a completely different future. If life feels impossibly heavy right now, hold on to this: one conversation, one friendship, one unexpected person could change the entire trajectory. You might be closer than you think.
5. If you want to meet people, get a dog.
When Vicky and I moved to a new neighborhood, we met a handful of people. A few years later we got Walter. Suddenly, walking the same streets we'd always walked, people couldn't resist saying hello. We've met dozens of wonderful people — and their dogs. Walter may have chewed a few things he shouldn't have and woken us up earlier than we'd like, but dogs add a richness to life and are maybe the greatest relationship facilitator of all.
6. Time is life in disguise.
It's easy to lose hours to screens and distraction. But those hours aren't neutral — they are your life. As Bruce Lee said: "If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made of."
7. Regret fades when you build forward.
Spending energy on regret will never change the things you regret. But creating something meaningful right now can drown out almost anything from the past. Stop replaying. Start building.
8. Comparison can either rob you — or restore you.
It all depends on the direction. Compare yourself to those ahead of you, and you'll feel perpetually lacking. Compare yourself to those facing greater hardship, and you'll feel the weight of how much you actually have. The problem isn't comparison — it's which way you're looking.
9. You are always missing most of the story.
No matter how perceptive you are, your view is incomplete. Everyone you meet is carrying something you can't see. The person who frustrated you at work, the driver who cut you off, the friend who went quiet — there is always more beneath the surface. Lead with grace. Reserve judgment. There is always more to the story.
10. The simple moments are often the richest ones.
For years I had mourning doves nest outside my front door. I watched them build the nest, put up a camera to catch the eggs hatching, marveled at the tiny birds leaving. A neighbor planted his front garden to attract butterflies — and one of my favorite moments in any day is walking down to stand in the shade and watch them. These things are easy to overlook and deeply restorative when you don't.
11. Learn to love the unhurried morning.
I've spent most of my life with a bias toward action — always moving, always squeezing more in. But I've discovered that one of the true joys of life is the opposite: a quiet morning with no appointments pending, nothing rushed, a cup of coffee and a stack of books. The world can wait. Some of the best thinking, the best rest, the best moments happen before the day gets loud.
12. Pain and kindness come from unexpected places.
Some of your deepest wounds will come from people close to you. And some of the most meaningful kindness will come from people you barely know. Both will catch you off guard.
13. Words echo longer than you realize.
I still remember kind things said to me decades ago. A handwritten note can stay with someone for life. Speak generously — and when you're moved to write something down and send it, do it. You rarely know how far your words will travel.
14. Worry changes nothing — but trust changes you.
There will always be things outside your control: health, the safety of people you love, the uncertainty ahead. Worry doesn't fix any of it. For me, I keep returning to Proverbs 3:5-6 — "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." I won't always understand what's happening. But I can choose trust over anxiety. Every time.
15. Everything drifts toward chaos — if you let it.
Left unattended, your health declines, relationships weaken, and finances erode. Like the painters of the Golden Gate Bridge — who finish one side and immediately start over on the other because the salt air never stops corroding — the work is never done. If you want something to stay strong, you have to keep showing up for it.
16. One bad person can spoil the whole thing.
A single toxic person can ruin a job, poison a friendship group, or darken an entire evening. This isn't cynicism — it's observation. You can't fix everyone. Sometimes the most important choice you make is who you keep close.
17. Think about death. It might be the most life-giving thing you do.
Most people avoid the subject entirely. I think about it every day. Not morbidly, but mindfully — aware that I'm living in extra innings, and that I don't know how many I have left. That awareness makes me intentional. I make memories on purpose. I write down what I've learned for the people I'll leave behind. I say the things that matter while I still can.
My health history draws me there, but honestly? None of us is promised tomorrow. We're all in overtime — most people just haven't accepted it yet.
What would change for you if you actually believed that?
18. Even in the hardest moments, life is still beautiful.
Darkness and light coexist. Kindness cuts through pain. Forgiveness heals things that logic can't. And unconditional love restores hope in places you stopped expecting to find it. Even in the most difficult seasons, beauty is still there — if you're paying attention.
I end most days with a question from Mary Oliver:
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Eighteen extra years have taught me one thing above all else:
Life is not something to manage. It's something to live—intentionally and fully and beautifully.
Make it a masterpiece.